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Whenever I go out and about with my son, who can get screamy and shouty or laugh at children who are crying or reach out to touch people, I get comments, looks and stares – nearly all hostile. When I talk to friends who have children who are physically disabled and in wheelchairs, they can’t believe how rude people can be. I am not advocating a wheelchair for my son. However, I do wonder whether some simple signifier might be helpful – such as a wristband perhaps in the Netbuddy colour so that it became universally recognisable? There are various things available including the autism alert cards but although I have carried these in my purse for years, have yet to give one to a stranger at the right moment. There are some bracelets and Tshirts on the internet too but I think it would need some co-ordinated campaign behind it from groups like the NAS, Netbuddy, Dimensions, Ambitious About Autism etc. When I have been calm enough to explain my son's condition to tutting strangers, generally they have been apologetic, and 'I didn't realise' - which is true. It would just be so nice to pre-empt those stares! Would love to know what people think....

Thanks for that Alistair and I agree about our expectations of our children and of society but I think we are not in an advanced state yet - unfortunately. I don't particularly want to label my son but by keeping quiet, hiding his disability and hoping that he will be able to conform to social expectations perpetuates the problem and I end up not wanting to leave the house ever again with him or take him out in public. He screams very loudly in response to noisy, crowded places and while we are working on the behaviour, it is not going away at the moment. I suppose when I have been able to say that he is autistic, people have usually said, 'oh, sorry I didn't realise' etc and been really understanding so am just trying to bridge that gap but really welcome this debate - thanks for posting.

Yes!!! The wristbands with I'm doing an amazing job is a fantastic idea. I find the stares, comments etc very demoralising. Most of the time I'm oblivious, but if im operating on only a few hours sleep, or my son has had a very bad seizure, or I'm worried by his future, or here's a thought, I just want to take him for a walk without being stared at then you can end up feeling very low indeed. I do try to stay calm, but last weekend I found myself poking my tongue out at a woman who was clicking in disapproval at my son pressing his nose to the window of a cafe. Waving a wristband at her would have been much more mature!

Really good topic – thanks socksoff. I confess that my response to this situation is directly related to how stressed and tired I feel at the time.
I’m with Alistair on identifying the young person. This partly because of having high expectations but mainly because my son resents it. I tried a couple of “identifying” strategies but it didn’t take long for him to work out what was going on and rebel. It made me feel really uncomfortable. Sadly, my son’s awareness does not extend to other people’s discomfort. So, if it is necessary, I will give a short explanation to the person affected – varied according to the situation. “My son has communication difficulties”, “My son really likes your windows”, “My son is autistic” or sometimes …. “Don’t worry, he’s bonkers” (not PC, I know but can diffuse the tension) Lately, my boy has taken to shouting out random phrases for example “Shouting Williamson!” or (alarmingly) “Don’t stroke the children!” For these situations I find that I just verbally respond to the shout depending as though we were having a conversation i.e. “Williamson!” or “Good advice son! No children stroking for me!” I appreciate these strategies would not be right for everyone but after the extensive public sexual harassment I suffered in my 20s and 30s, I must say that I find the change of focus rather refreshing – it is so much easier to defend someone other than yourself.

I am so sorry that some of us find it hard to get out of the house because society makes us feel ashamed of our lovely children. It can be so much easier to put on the same DVD (how many times can they watch it? I think I know every line in 'School of Rock' even though I've never sat down and watched it in it's entirety!) I've got used now to walking round the supermarket with my very pretty daughter randomly saying 'You've got smelly armpits' or 'cake' or if she's cross with me bashing me with her handbag! (some of you may know that the hand bag thing is new and is carried thanks to advice gleaned from this lovely website). I want to throw something else into the melting pot...how do you react/respond/help when you see another parent trying to cope with....well you know it could be anything!??