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These tips have been contributed by other parents, carers and professionals. We hope they will give you some ideas to try, but if you need further help why not post a question on our forums or talk to our Behavioural Support site expert.
Sticker books
My daughter loves sticker books as they are something that she can achieve success with. I find it great to use them as rewards for good behaviour or compliance with medical procedures. Also keeps her occupied after
Weekly wows
We created a WOW chart with stickers to chart Poppy’s progress and achievements – from sitting still at story time to feeding herself a yoghurt. It recognises the little things and gives us a nice way to review the week.
Star chart alternatives
If the person you are supporting doesn't understand star charts, try putting pennies in a jar or add beads to a string, Legos to a Lego tower, rubber bands to a rubber-band ball. Anything that involves adding on to something will work.
Figure a reward
My son loves Elmo. We've found using some small plastic Elmo figures in place of a reward chart works brilliantly. When he gets to 10, he can have a small treat. Substitute Elmo for a Moshi or any other obsession! My son enjoys watching his line grow as much as his reward
Coupons for rewards
Try offering coupons to give as rewards for behaviour goals. The coupons could say "Good for 12 readings of your favourite story" or "Good for 15 minutes computer time". Here are some pre-made ones you could print out or make your own: Coupons
Reward for effort
Even if the person you are supporting is not always able to do the tasks you are asking them to, award them according to effort. for eg: if they are having trouble getting dressed in the morning, you might award 3 points for doing it unaided, 2 points if you have to help a bit, and 1 if you have to get them dressed but they co-operate.
Easy to achieve
Use ‘easy to achieve’ rewards for each behaviour that you’re trying to improve, e.g., if you eat your snack at the table then you can play with bubbles. What is most rewarding for the person?
Keep acknowledging
Prepare an A4 sheet with a symbol on it to represent the phrase you use when an activity is over (e.g. ‘finished’ or ‘the end’ or ‘goodbye) Hold this up for the person to see every time you come to the end of an activity and give lots of praise when there isn’t a fuss made. Laminate it if you go swimming!
Circle of appreciation
When a reward is for the person achieving a task which is later than their peers, for example a 14 year old being able to put on a pair of tights for the first time or a 16 year old getting themselves out of the bath for the first time, then you need to have a support network established, comprised of family and older friends who understand what a great achievement this is and can reward and support by saying ‘Wow, you’re amazing’, so as to reinforce the praise and validate the years of effort but not say anything publicly as it can invite ridicule or worse.
Positives not negatives
I learnt along time ago not to get into a battle with John - it just makes him sulk for England. Instead it is much better to help him achieve his goal with clear instructions, give him time to do it, and reward him.
Take the focus off
When trying to persuade Michelle to do something she clearly does not want to do, such as her shoes on or brush her teeth,we use the "First, Then...." rule. Think of a small fun thing that can practically be carried out immediately after, such as a tickle or bedtime story which will act as an incentive. Next spell out and repeat in really simple terms " First brush your teeth, then we can read your favourite
Make it work for you.....
If the person has a habit which you generally try to discourage, but is basically harmless, you might want to offer it as a reward – e.g. ‘if you do this, you can twiddle your paper strips for 5 minutes afterwards’
Immediate and meaningful
A reward should be immediate don’t lose the moment be prepared. When Lucy has done well or better than she ever has done, then she deserves a reward so do make sure it is something that appeals to her.
Think can do
Hairdressers, shoe shops, doctors, dentists are all contentious areas. Negotiate a deal and explain what is going to happen, why it's important to go to these places and provide a reward system. I have made a deal with John that we always go to the hairdressers on a Friday so that he has the weekend to get used to the new haircut.
Effort counts
We have always rewarded effort / coping with difficulties. It is so easy to miss these out by only thinking about the main achievements. You can’t achieve anything without that all important effort along the way.
Believing is achieving
We encourage Simon to believe he is magnificent. 'We are what we believe'.
Token system
We use a token system with John. We use poker chips as tokens.
Each thing he does is worth a token, particular tasks e.g. eating breakfast without making a mess and getting dressed within 30 minutes is worth a red token. 4 red tokens can then be exchanged for a green which can be used to be allowed play with his water pistol in the garden. 1 red would get him a treat e.g. strawberries or maybe a sweet. He can also swap a certain number of red tokens for a blue which allows him to go swimming or a lot of red token can be gathered to swap for a white token which is worth money £1 to spend on sweets, toys, stuff for planting which he likes.
What motivates?
Find out what really motivates. You could try something like a hand massage, or sensory toy. Perhaps break down a task into stages with a visual ‘payment’ for each stage so that the person can see work towards the reward. For example at school in a writing session, hand over a star for each sentence written. Once 3 stars are achieved (3 sentences are complete) then you can give the full reward.
Never.......
Never take away a reward due to ‘bad’ behaviour. The reward has already been earned and taking it away undermines any motivation to try again.
Let it go.......
Ignore negative behaviours, if safe to do so. Make sure that you give lots of praise - people behave better if they get more praise than punishment.
Make it worth it..
I use a timer and give Beth x minutes on her favourite activity as a reward when she has managed to go y minutes without performing an undesirable behaviour.
Only if you mean it
Do not say anything that you cannot carry through, e.g., do not say “if you do that again you will not go on holiday” when you know that the holiday is booked and that they are definitely going.
Where do you draw the line?
If I am not careful I can spend all day, every day telling off Liam for being clumsy/forgetful/impatient/disobedient/eating with his mouth open/talking with his mouth full. Sometimes we need to keep our eyes on the big picture of what matters most.
Communicate......
John is 13 and has no speech. He uses actions for communication and sometimes gives us his boots when he wants to go out. Going out is not always possible, especially at 3 a.m. so we draw a Red Cross on a white A4 sheet of paper with a red marker pen and put the cross on anything he is not allowed to do, so that he understands that we know what he wants but that it is not possible at that time.
Make it healthy...
Where possible, avoid use of sweets/chocolate as rewards – not good for teeth or weight!! Sweets cause bad behaviour !
Understand what's going on
Do not overreact in the heat of the moment, be calm and be reasonable. We think about whether Steve’s behaviour is as a result of his condition/medication and whether we are being realistic in our expectations. Sometimes he needs help rather than punishment.
Love you
We want all our children to understand that it's the behaviour we don't like - not them.
Be clear about it
We like to tell Daniel exactly what we liked so that he knows to do it again. Instead of ‘good boy’, try: ‘good sitting’, ‘I like it when you share’, ‘good listening …
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